Home – becoming a family of four

by Asha Hossain

As I write this, I am 40 weeks pregnant with my 2nd baby. For the past months and these last weeks in particular, I am so conscious of the beautiful, intense transition that our family is facing and going through. Our main goal up until now has been to watch our 3 year old daughter grow into her own person, and provide her with a trustful, safe, loving foundation from which she can live as it evolves around her.

The foundation was born years before she was even conceived. In fact, I believe it started while my husband and I were still young adults working through our own pains and trials.

The moment you become a parent, 24 hours a day don’t come even close to the challenges we faced before children entered our life. Or at least, that’s what I feel like. Finding a moment of peace and calm seems so much harder to find. Living in complete silence somewhere alone in the mountains can seem like an ideal retreat at times but my true personal growth lies in the daily buzz of modern day life with my children by my side. Although taking some time to step away daily or weekly is necessary I truly feel that I can integrate my learnings best right here, right now.

A loving, safe foundation

While both me and Dennis transitioned from woman and man into the roles of mother and father, life and parenthood took over. At times it seems we’ve lost track of the true foundation we created long ago. The way we respond to certain situations, act in relationships and in everyday situations tend to occur out of habit.

I often times find myself looking for perspective in the present moment. It is in those moments that I check to see if the way I respond, still reflects who I truly am. As a woman, a partner, lover and mother.

It becomes a benchmark, providing guidance in all that I am in life. Eventhough I realize that with the new title of ‘mother’ an unconscious way does come over you, I do hope that our daughter experiences the same comfort in that solid foundation we’ve build. And gives her a feeling of home, just like it does for me.

Losing while gaining

Knowing that our new baby will join our family any day now, brings about an array of emotions. While feeling immense happiness and realizing the miracle of it all, I am experiencing a sense of loss at the same time. Going into this new season as a family, I know all too well that the dynamic of what was, will soon change. For the past 3 years, it was just the 3 of us.

And while we are all too grateful and excited of all the wonderful new adventures that we encounter as a family of 4, this will be a big adjustment for our  3 year old daughter. In a sense it will be her first big loss. She was the center of our world and we’ve built our lives around her. And even though she will always be our first, she will soon share the number 1 position with her sibling.

Home

And while we all transition into our new roles, we vow to keep her safe. To comfort her in her own transition, to let her mourn but also make it a celebration. We will celebrate our new season with flowers, mantra’s, and just being there for her physically, guiding her to life as it comes. We will also give her a little gift in the form of a bracelet once the baby arrives. The bracelet will serve as a reminder of the time this little girl became so big, but still is our girl and to let her know that whatever transitions she may go through, she’ll always be home. As are we.