In her journey to attract the life that she desires and with it, a partner, Erica sat down to write a letter to her “future” lover. A letter full of lessons learned and inspired to connect with her partner.
“I made a mistake.
There is a conversation I would like to refresh myself with regarding my family and career. New revelations have come to me on the options I have and how I’ve been setting up my life.
I am becoming more and more aware of how much I do want a family and how much more important and rich that is over my pursuit of career.
To be honest, I am already doing my life’s work, so my career will always be here.
I truly believe I can have both and that I deserve both.
Since my last split, I’ve chosen to block love. Somehow, subtle meetings in foreign cities sounded a lot more glamorous at the time and felt a lot safer than real hometown commitments. But the truth is, it only left me feeling empty and hollow.
This ‘lone wolf’ perspective could be the result of trauma from my past relationships. Being married and having kids was all I ever wanted but when that failed and my eating disorder seemed to got worse with age, I was convinced this made me unfit to be a mother. This is the level of shame that I have working out of my system.
Now after three years of recovery I am reconnecting to my deepest desires again. I see many ways to overcome these obstacles and many of them I have already healed.
I can have a family and a career and in fact, family is my number one priority and how I will design my life going forward.
Being single for the first time in 17 years, I fantasize and allow myself to feel again, to imagine what it would be like to be in love and trying to have kids. This is truly a huge turn on for me.
But when I wasn’t acknowledging this desire, I encountered a conflict.
Confusion entered my life because I was contradicting myself. Hesitant to really attract my life partner because I didn’t believe in my core that I was worthy of this love.
So therefore, this letter is an offering to myself and to my future life partner.
I want you to see that I’m open to you, I am open for you.
This is my intention and the reason for putting so much thought into my words. I do want to receive love and I know these types of relationships take time to build. So whatever happens, fate into destiny, I want to be clear and super soft with my heart.”